Proper 11 / Year A
“Lord, you
have searched me out and known me.”
Thus begins the fabulous 139th
psalm; which declares faith in God’s unfailing and unflagging presence in our
lives. Adam, who after his initial
transgression attempts to hide from God, serves as the psalm’s opposite. From the psalmist’s perspective, there is
nowhere one can escape from God. He or
she perceives God is present wherever we are and sees right through us. And unlike Adam, the psalmist senses there is
no need to hide. He or she thinks of
this as good news, as a blessing.
I wonder how we receive it. Don’t we prefer a God who stays away until
called upon? When we need God we want
God to be there to do our bidding. When
we don’t need God, we’d rather be left to our own devices and desires. And the last thing we want is to allow God into
the totality of our being, where lurks more than we are comfortable sharing
with others, let alone even acknowledging to ourselves.
I identify with the parable Jesus
tells in today’s gospel reading. I am
like a fine field in which God has sown good seed. I have been so very blessed in life. I was born into a stable family during a time
of American prosperity. I have been educated,
relatively healthy, and never once lacked for the basic necessities of
life. All in all, I’d say my life has
given me many, many advantages to be a pretty good field. There is no reason I should not be producing
bountiful goodness and blessings. And I
am.
But there is something else
happening in the field that is me. Things
grow and prosper that should not be there; things that are harmful, hateful,
destructive, selfish. Weeds thrive in
the field that is me and I certainly don’t want you to see it and I don’t want
God to see it either.
Have you ever done group work
with the Jahari Window? Developed by two
psychologists, it is a tool designed to help people understand who they based
on self-perceptions and the perceptions of others. (There is an image of the Jahari Window on
page 6 of today’s bulletin). It uses two
criteria: What others know and don’t know about us and what we know and don’t
know about ourselves.
Participants in the exercise write
down a series of adjectives describing themselves and then make a list of
adjectives describing each of the other participants. So, if you describe yourself as tall and
others do the same, this word gets put into the box called the arena.
This box contains those things open and public about you. Next, there are the adjectives you write about
yourself, but others do not. For
example, if you don’t know we well you may not know I am an introvert. It is something I have to tell you about
myself in order for you to know. The
things I know about me but you don’t, are grouped in a box labeled façade.
Next, there are adjectives others use to describe you, but you don’t’ use
to describe yourself. For example,
others may say you are funny or kind, but you don’t see yourself in this
way. These things go into a box labeled blind spot. The only way for you to know these things about
yourself is for someone to share it with you.
And finally, there are things you don’t know about yourself and neither
does anyone else. This is the unknown, but it is still a part of who
we are and influences how we operate.
When we say the Lord knows us, we are affirming God knows everything about us – the arena stuff,
the façade stuff, the blind spot stuff, and even the unknown stuff. And this truth would be absolutely terrifying
if not for one thing… the God who sees us loves us through and through without
hesitation; without reservation.
How do I know this? Well, look no further than this morning’s
reading from the Book of Genesis. Jacob
has stolen his older brother Esau’s birthright and tricked his father into
giving him the blessing belonging to his brother. Esau understandably vows revenge and when
their father dies Jacob realizes he must flee or be killed. He moves fast and far, covering over 40 miles
of the wilderness in one day. One might
think he would use this time to reflect on his life and amend his ways, but not
Jacob. He remains ever the schemer.
Up until this point in his life,
Jacob has demonstrated no perceivable act of faith. He has not prayed, not sacrificed, not
fasted, not tithed. Neither has he
engaged in a single recorded moral act of kindness or integrity. Still, on this night, using a stone as a
pillow, he falls asleep and dreams of a ladder or stairway extending up to the
heavens. A voice addresses him: “I am
the God of Abraham and the God of Isaac” – Jacob’s grandfather and father. Notice the Lord does not say “I am the God of
Jacob” because Jacob has yet to bind himself to God. And yet the God Jacob does not claim promises
him protection, prosperity, offspring, and future ownership of the land on
which he sleeps.
When Jacob wakes he sets up a
stone pillar and calls the place Bethel,
which means “House of God”. He then
makes a vow: “If God will be with me
and watch over me on this journey I am taking and if God will give me food to eat and clothes to wear, and if I return safely to me father’s
household, then the Lord will be my God.”
This is not a confession of faith.
It is a negotiation; more ultimatum than obedience, more trial and
testing than interest in relationship.
Jacob’s response to God amounts to little more than “What is in it for
me?”
How could God be even remotely
interested in such a person? Jacob is a
whole lot of weeds and not a lot of wheat.
He hides much and is blind to a great deal about himself. God sees it all and yet still loves him. God loves Jacob unconditionally and will work
to make him to be a fruitful and productive field.
Faith in this is why the psalmist
can pray to God saying…
Search me out, O God, and know my
heart;
try me and know my restless thoughts.
Look well whether there be any
wickedness in me;
and lead me in the way that is everlasting.
The psalmist is not
bragging arrogantly in his or her own goodness, innocence, and purity. Rather, the psalmist is confessing a faith in
God’s unconditional love:
No
matter what I do – be it ever so it vile –
No
matter where I go – be it ever so foolish –
You will remain with me.
There
is nothing – nothing – I can do
to make you forsake me.
Yes,
I can do much damage in life –
intentionally
and unintentionally,
in
thought, word, and deed –
but you, O God, never abandon me.
In essence, he or
she is saying if God can love Jacob than God can love me. I don’t have to hide a single thing about
myself from God. I have a harvest and I
have weeds and God knows it altogether.
How can God love me? Welcome
me? Embrace me? Grace truly is amazing and I will claim its
reality every day of my life!
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