Jesus on Divorce

Well, we may have dodged a hurricane, but there is a storm brewing in the gospel reading we cannot avoid: the topic of divorce.  This can be a sensitive subject in a church setting because for those, like me, who have been divorced, it touches on powerful and (often) painful memories.  All things considered, perhaps it would be easier to deal with a hurricane than this text.  But let’s throw caution to the wind and set our faces into the stiff gale of Jesus’ words to see what we can learn.

The first thing to notice is Jesus was not teaching a group of students about the theology of marriage. Pharisees seek him out because they want to test him.  They don’t want to learn, they want to trick and trap and so they pick one of the thorniest issues they can find – divorce.  It is not Jesus’ subject.  It is theirs. 

Notice next how they phrase their test: “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”  The Pharisees are not interested in the spiritual nature of a marriage relationship.  They are not even pondering its social value.  They are asking a legal question. 

The first four verses of the 24^th chapter of Deuteronomy comprise the main Old Testament teaching on divorce, but all they say is if a man divorces his wife for a “great scandal” and she marries a second time and then is divorced again, the first husband cannot remarry her because she has been “defiled”.

Over the centuries different schools of interpretation emerged and by Jesus’ day the issue was deeply polarizing.  One school followed the thinking of a rabbi by the name of Shammai, who taught that a man should not divorce his wife, except where he has found her committing a “great scandal”.  Another rabbi by the name of Hillel had a different take on the same law.  He said a man may divorce his wife for doing something as scandalous as burning his supper.  A third rabbi – Aqiba – was even more lenient, teaching a man may divorce his wife if she has “lost favor in his eyes” or if he finds another woman who is “more becoming.” 

The Pharisees are not just testing Jesus for his thoughts.  They are testing to see which group he supports around this divisive issue.  His answer makes clear Jesus adheres to Rabbi Shammai’s teaching, the most conservative of the three positions.

Notice something else about the Pharisees question: “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”  The ancient world was patriarchal and wives were regarded to be the property of their husbands.  Marriages in these times were based not on a love between two people, but on property, status, and honor considerations between two families.  Marriage did not provide a woman with a soul mate, but rather a place to live and a role to play.  For women, marriage was little more than a social safety net.

So in this setting, given this understanding of marriage, some Pharisees come to Jesus to test him.  He asks them about Moses’ teaching.  They note Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of dismissal to his wife.  We have several examples of these documents.  Many are as simple as “This certificate dismisses you and you are free to marry another man.”  More typically, after divorce, a woman either returned in shame to her father’s house or became homeless.

Jesus states emphatically that Moses allows for divorce because of our “hardness of heart.”  He is saying divorce is a part of the human condition, but not a part of God’s design.  God’s intention is for a man to leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and that the two become one flesh.  This joining, he holds, happens by an act of God and is not to be undone by humans.

Through his teaching Jesus opens several new doors and possibilities.  First, the idea of two people becoming one flesh sounds like something way more significant and much more mystical than a simple legal transaction.  It gets at the heart of our humanity.  There is incompleteness about us as we exist unto our selves.  We need to be in relationship with God to be complete.  And we need to be in relationship with others to be complete.  And we need to be in a unique, special, life-long relationship with one other person to be complete.

This relationship is a union of two people in heart, mind, and body.  It is involves a deep intimacy manifested emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, socially, physically, and sexually.  It is a relationship that mirrors the love Jesus has for the Church.  Just as his love enables the Church to transform the world, the joining of two in one flesh creates a potency neither person has as an individual.  It is a relationship not to be separated.

Does this mean the Church should never allow for divorce?  Does it mean that every divorce is wrong?  Is every divorce a sin?  Here are three typical scenarios.  None is fictional.  Each describes at least one couple whose marriage I officiated. 

Two people come together for reasons that mystify most who know them.  Whatever attracts them to each other and whatever they offer to each other and whatever they commit to each other is not at all congruent with Jesus’ thinking of marriage.  Their relationship lacks depth and breadth and maturity. One person is physically and emotionally abusive of the other and therefore the marriage lacks the essential element of mutuality.  Does God want two people to stay together in a destructive relationship?  Does God desire to separate what humans wrongly joined together?

A second scenario involves two people who become one flesh, but over time, through neglect and distraction the marriage dies.  There is no longer a flame.  There is not even a spark to rekindle what once was.  The children are raised and out of the house.  Both parties are gainfully employed and can survive without the other.  Does God, who desires two people experience fulfillment and completeness by coming together require them to stay together when the only thing left between them is a legal document?  What are we to do when a marriage expires long before the two people who entered into it?

A final scenario involves two people who are in a marriage that exhibits all of the characteristics it should, but one person forsakes it.  There is a breach of fidelity.  That person wants something else, or maybe even want what he/she already has, but with someone else.  What should the Church say to this person?  And what should the Church say to the person left behind?  What if both parties forsake the marriage in lieu of something else?

Here is what I think.   Every divorce is a part of the brokenness of the human condition.  Some are more egresses than others, to be sure.  To label divorce as “wrong” or as a “sin” misses the point that there is life as a God intends and then there is what actually happens (a reality not limited just to marriage).  Much of the brokenness that happens in marriage can be healed.  Some of it cannot. 

There is a tendency by some to look at today’s gospel reading through the lens of reduction.  “Jesus says, ‘no one should get divorced.’”  “Jesus says a marriage is between a man and woman.”  “Jesus says if you remarry you commit adultery.”  Yes, these words are there and you can reduce down what Jesus says only to this.  But as I read his answer to a very narrow question about divorce rooted in polarizing interpretations of a single Old Testament phrase I hear a very expansive response.  Jesus is trying not to narrow down our thinking to a right and wrong, black and white understanding.  He is trying to open up our thinking to a much broader subject that revolves around God’s intention for relationships. 

It is hardly a secret that the bible does not speak about marriage with one single, coherent voice.  Paul, for example, says that marriage is reserved only for the weak who cannot control the burning in their flesh.  His thinking is hardly rooted in Jesus’ understanding of “from the beginning of creation God created them male and female so that the two can become one flesh”.  Any person – including me – who tells you what the bible says about marriage is only telling you how he/she interprets what the bible says about marriage.

Here is what I see as I survey our congregation.  There are some couples who have been married for a long, long time.  There are fruits that come from this kind of relationship that can be grown no other way.  There are some couples who have come together in a second marriage (or even a third).  For some, the first marriage ended with the death of spouse.  For most, it came only after the end of a previous marriage.  No matter what the circumstances, you find in your new relationship exactly what Jesus describes – one flesh, completeness.  And then there are some who are like me – single after a divorce, a death, or the end of a relationship that never attained legal status.  While we may not know the joy of “completeness” with another, we find how relationships with family and friends and with God make our lives rich and rewarding. 

Whenever we engage in interpreting what the bible says about marriage we must make sense of what we see and know.  What I see and know from knowing all of you is that while divorce may not be a part of the world as God intends, like death itself divorce is not a barrier to God’s love and grace.  God does not forsake those who are divorced, but rather offers new life.  It may be life with another or it may be life on ones own, but the offer is always given abundantly and freely.

At the Mercy of Things which Matter Least

Jesus said, “If a part of your body causes you to stumble, cut it off.  It is better to go through life maimed than to be thrown into hell, where the worm will not die and the fire never be quenched.”

In Jesus’ day, hell was not a theological concept nor was it located in the center of the earth.  It was a specific place known as the Valley of Hinnon, which is located just outside the walls of the old city of Jerusalem.  Hinnon is a very deep, narrow ravine with a horrendous history.  The bible records that some of the ancient kings of Israel used it as a place to make sacrifices to the idols of Moloch and Baal, including slaughtering and burning their own children.  The prophet Jeremiah held these practices invoked God’s wrath and judgment, leading to the ruin and downfall of the nation.  After Judah’s return from exile, the valley was used as a trash dump where, among other things, human corpses were brought to be incinerated. 

It is easy to see how such a site came to be associated with great pain and suffering.  It was a place to be avoided at all costs.  Just like a professional athlete does not want to end up on the Injury List, so too people in Jesus’ day did not want to end up in the Valley of Hinnon.  It makes sense to do whatever is necessary to avoid such a fate.  If sin destines you to this place, do what you have to do not to sin, plain and simple.

Episcopalians, as a rule, don’t warm up to such negative thinking.  If we wanted the hell scared out of us we would be Baptists, right.  So let’s flip this coin around and look at it from the other side.  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe puts Jesus’ teaching in a positive context: “Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.”

Have I told you about the successful businessman who bought a 2015 Ferrari 458 for $250,000?  The first day he owned it he pulled up in front of his business, parked the car, and opened the door to get out.  Just then a bus came barreling down the street and tore off the car’s door.  The businessman was livid that his beautiful Ferrari had been damaged and was distraught with the knowledge that no repairs would ever make it like new again.  He was screaming at the moon when a tow truck arrived.  The operator jumped out of the cab and listened to the man rant and rave on and on.  Finally the operator broke in and said, “I can’t believe how materialistic you are.  You are so wrapped up in your possessions you don’t notice anything else.”  The businessman was indignant, “How can you say such a thing!”  “Well,” the operator replied, “you haven’t even realized that your left arm is missing.  If must have been torn off by the bus.”  The man looked at his arm, saw that it was gone, and screamed out loud, “Oh no.  Now I’ve lost my Rolex too!”

Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.

What are your priorities in life?  Listen to the counsel a veteran priest gave to a group of seminarians just prior to their ordination:

“There will come a day when you will stand before our Lord and Savior to give an account of your personal record as a priest. 

First, Jesus will ask you to report on your relationship with your spouse.  What did you do to add to your spouse’s joy, how did you provide help and comfort in prosperity and adversity, and how did you participate in nurturing your children in the knowledge and love of the Lord?

After this, Jesus will ask you to provide in-depth information on each of your children in order to determine the amount and quality of time you invested in them.

Next, Jesus will ask how you have developed and used the talents with which God gave you from birth.

Fourth, Jesus will ask about the churches you served.  He will not be interested in their wealth or size, but will want to know how you cared for the people while you were there.

Fifth, Jesus will not ask you how much money you earned or how much money you saved.  All he will want to know is if you were honest in all your dealings.

And finally, Jesus will ask for an accounting of what you did to make your community, your country, and the world a better place.”

Now, for you, the list of priorities might be a tad different, but not much.  These are the things that matter most.  How and when do the things that matter least get in their way?  What do you need to do to cut them out of your life?  Gandhi said that actions express priorities.  What do your actions say about you?

Perhaps Jesus uses imagery as shocking as self-mutilation and eternal torment to get our attention, to impress upon us the need to identify what is important in life, and to force us to deal with all the lesser stuff getting in the way.  Victoria Moran, in her book Lit from Within, writes this:

“A simple life is not seeing how little we can get by with—that’s poverty—but how efficiently we can put first things first…  When you’re clear about your purpose and your priorities, you can painlessly discard whatever does not support these, whether it’s clutter in your cabinets or commitments on your calendar.”

Lest we think of this as a private and personal exercise intended to give each one of us a better and more rewarding life, notice what Jesus says about the millstone.  Your priorities, when they are solid, are like stepping stones others can follow, but when they are skewed they become stumbling blocks that cause others to trip up in life.  In other words, your actions (which reflect your priorities) affect others.  If all you care about in life is getting ahead in your career, your partner and children will suffer.  Your community will be a poorer place if all your free time is spent with a remote control in your hands.  You cannot be the blessing for others God intends for you to be if your priorities are all out of whack.   

I was in a grocery store on Friday.  Two very active boys were pushing a cart and ran into their mother.  “Owww!  #$@%!  That hurt.”  She screamed so loud I heard her clearly three aisles away.  Moments later we were in the same aisle when another incident promoted the mother to yell, “Leave the cart right there.  We are going.”  I don’t want to judge this mother.  Who knows what her day and her life are like?  But I can tell you if I had gone off like that I would do some serious soul searching to determine what I needed to change in order to get myself under control and in a position to be a loving, positive example for my children.  Jesus says the place to start is to orient our lives around the right priorities.  

It is an insight picked up years ago by a professor who stood before his philosophy class holding a cardboard box.  He set the box on his desk and removed from it a large glass jar and a jacket of golf balls.  He emptied the balls into the jar and they piled all the way up to the rim.  He then asked the class if the jar was full and they said it was.  The professor then took out a container of pebbles and began to pour them into the container where they fell into the open spaces between the golf balls.  Again he asked and again the students said the jar was full.  That is when the professor produced a bag of sand and poured it into the jar where it sifted into the cracks and crevices around the pebbles.  “Is it full now?” he asked.  “Yes,” the students said.  From the box the professor produced a bottle of wine, which he opened and poured slowly into the jar until all the sand was saturated. 

“This jar,” he said, “represents your life.  The golf balls are the important things like faith, family, friends, and health.  These are the things that make your life full and even if every else is lost you will still have great love and happiness.  The pebbles are other things that matter, but are not as important – your job, your house, your car.  And the sand is all the small stuff that fills up your day and drains your energy, but is not necessarily essential.” 

“Now notice,” he said, “If you put the sand in first and then the pebbles there would not be enough room for the golf balls.  The same is true with life.  If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important.  You must learn to pay attention to what is critical for true happiness.  Spend time with your children.  Spend time with your parents.  Visit with grandparents.  Take your spouse out to dinner.  There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.  Set your priorities on what matters.  The rest is just sand.”

With his point made, a student raised her hand and asked what the wine represented?  “I’m glad you asked me that,” he answered.  “It shows that no matter how full your life may seem, there is always room for a glass of wine with a friend.”

Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.  Jesus reminds us to do whatever we must do to make sure we do not lose hold of this simple but essential principle in life.

The Boy on the Beach & a Child in Jesus’ Arms

Aylan Kurdi.  You may not recognize his name, but everyone with access to a news outlet or the internet knows who he is.  We have all seen the photograph of his lifeless three-year-old body lying facedown on a Turkish beach.  It is in a position similar to a napping child sleeping in a crib.  At least twelve Syrian Kurdish refugees, including Aylan’s older brother, drowned in an attempt to find sanctuary from their war-ravaged homeland. 

It is estimated the civil war in Syria, now in its fifth year, has claimed over 200,000 lives.  4 million people have fled the country and, like Aylan, some have died in the process.  While each death and each casualty is horrific, the photograph of Aylan’s body on a sandy beach has focused the world’s attention on this crisis. 

That picture – now referred to as “The Boy on the Beach” – sits next to today’s gospel reading from Mark where Jesus holds a child in his arms and says to his disciples, “Whoever welcomes a child in my name welcomes me.” 

Jesus’ act is an object lesson that brings to a conclusion a conversation about greatness, specifically about what makes a person great.  In our day and age we might answer this question in any number of ways: personal charisma, incredible athletic abilities, fame, fortune, power, the capacity to impose one’s will upon others… the list goes on and on.  We, like those disciples, probably do not associate greatness with paying attention to a child.

This teaching, like much of what Jesus gives us, is deceptively straightforward.  It seems easy enough to follow the chain:

What does it take to be great? à

Whoever wants to be first must be last and servant of all. à

If you welcome a child you welcome me. 

But Jesus is no right-brained thinker who offers a step-by-step blueprint for us to follow.  He seems to prefer the abstract, which invites us to ponder, reflect, and converse with others in order to understand.  Over and over – in a variety of situations and settings – we must ask what it means to welcome a child.  Perhaps the answer eludes an essay or sermon, but is something you recognize when you see it. 

Roy Waller told me that several children in our parish have come up to him and given him a hug since Shirley’s death.  In my mind, this kind of intergenerational connection is one of the most important facets of our faith community.  It is a sure and certain sign that we are living a Christ-like life. 

Roy’s experience got me to thinking about the church where I grew up.  I knew the names of my friends’ parents.  I knew by last name the man who led the children’s choir, the woman who ran the Sunday School, and the Senior Pastor.  I knew nothing of their personal lives and never would have dreamed of making a gesture of sympathy to any of them.  In that era, children were to be seen and not heard… and, if truth be told, if we were not seen that was OK too.

Years later, when I was serving in a church in Ohio, a teenager in the community committed suicide.  That tragedy shocked every person in town.  Adults in the parish wanted to know what our young people needed from them to make sure it didn’t happen again.  I was tasked to discover the concrete steps the parish could take to let our teenagers know we cared about them.  I spoke to Jim, a young man with great maturity and insight.  “Do you know what is really important to me?” he said.  “When I am walking down the street and pass someone from the church and they say ‘hi’ to me… and if they say, ‘Hello Jim’ and ask me how I am doing, that is really special.”  It was the first time I began to think about the importance of intergenerational connections in a parish.

I remember as a child being terrified of the Senior Pastor of our church, even though I don’t have a single recollection of an interaction with him.  Now that I am “the Senior Pastor” I can see in the eyes of many of our children they are, if not terrified, then intimidated by the ‘Godman’.  I have a resource my minister did not.  I get to speak to each child each week at the altar rail.  Christ is in our midst as I share the bread or ask God’s blessing.  My aim is to nurture this connection as I interact with our children in other settings.

What does it mean to welcome a child?  At the very least it means noticing those easily overlooked or dismissed.  It means taking to heart the reality of another.  It means renouncing yourself as the center of the universe in order to discern the value of others. 

Once, when I was child, a thought occurred to me that I might be the only real thing in existence.  What if, I wondered, everything else is just a figment of my imagination?  What if I am the only thing that really matters?  Imagine my surprise years later, taking a college philosophy course, when I learned that in addition to being wrong, this thought wasn’t even original.  There is an entire group of thinkers known as metaphysical solipsists who maintain the self is the only existing reality and all other reality, including the external world and all other persons, is created by the self and has no independent existence.

Developmental theorists believe there is a period in our infancy when every child is a metaphysical solipsist.  At the time an infant becomes self-aware the child cannot differentiate between the self and non-self.  Theorists speculate this phase begins to end when the baby’s hunger cries are not meet with immediacy.  Embracing the notion that my actions don’t always bring the results I expect begins the next developmental phase.

It does seem something of that infant experience lingers with us throughout our lives.  It is so easy to see only what we want to see; to block out what we deem valueless; to ignore what we hold to be unimportant.  Somehow, someway, I think Jesus’ teaching about greatness embodied in the act of holding a child challenges us to renounce these tendencies.  In their place he invites us to an acute awareness of those around us, those whose lives we can touch, and those whose path, through circumstances, crosses ours.

Betty Anne Kyle was always pleased when I mentioned stewardship.  The heart of Christian stewardship is summed up by three imperatives: Work! Pray! Give!  The work part is what we do here in our community to foster intergenerational connections. 

Given the opportunity, there is not a person who saw the photograph of Aylan Kurdi who would not have done everything in his or her power to save him.  The best way I know to honor him and to help those still at risk is through a donation to Episcopal Relief & Development’s Syrian Emergency Fund.  Episcopal Relief & Development has been engaged in Syria for some time now, working with Anglican agencies as well as Jewish and Islamic partnerships to provide aid and support refugee resettlement assistance.

In closing, I invite you to join me in prayer using a litany developed by the Church of England:

A Prayer for the Victims of the Syrian Conflict

We pray for those damaged by the fighting in Syria.

To the wounded and injured:
Come Lord Jesus.

To the terrified who are living in shock:
Come Lord Jesus.

To the hungry and homeless, refugee and exile:
Come Lord Jesus.

To those bringing humanitarian aid:
Give protection Lord Jesus.

To those administering medical assistance:
Give protection Lord Jesus.

To those offering counsel and care:
Give protection Lord Jesus.

For all making the sacrifice of love:
Give the strength of your Spirit and the joy of your comfort.

In the hope of Christ we pray.  Amen.

A Happy Soul

Jesus asked, “What will it profit you to gain the whole world if you forfeit your life?”

Last Tuesday, 157 passengers and 13 crew members where ready to take off on a British Airways plane headed from Las Vegas to London when one of the engines burst into flames.  Chris Henkey, the jet’s pilot, brought the aircraft to a stop, deployed the inflatable slides, and ordered all on board to evacuate immediately.  In 1985 57 people died from smoke inhalation in a similar incident.  Lessons learned from that tragedy have been incorporated into training and this time the crew helped everyone make it to safety. 

The evacuation was not without its challenges.  More than a few passengers, ignoring preflight instructions, insisted on carrying their bags as they left the plane.  Sid Langley, one of the passengers, posted on Facebook that he “did the right thing, grabbed wife and ran,” but noted that “other silly buggers fiddled around” grabbing their luggage from overhead bins.  The pilot was furious, citing not only the obvious time these actions required, but also the possibility luggage could have damaged the emergency slides.

It raises an obvious question: If you were in a similar situation, what would you do?  Would you risk your life (and possibly the lives of others) to save some possessions important to you or would you grab the people important to you and head directly for safety?  It is a choice I hope none of us ever has to make in an instant of panic, but it is one we engage indirectly on a daily basis: What is it we value most and how do we demonstrate it? 

This morning we hear these words of Jesus:

Those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it.  For what will it profit them to gain the whole world and forfeit their life?  Indeed, what can they give in return for their life?

The word life appears four times in these 54 words and is referenced indirectly two more times through the word it.  In the context of Jesus predicting he will have to suffer and be crucified, it is natural to assume he is talking about one’s literal life.  You may find it interesting to know the Greek word translated here as life is psyche, typically rendered “soul”.  Scott Hoezee notes this translation demonstrates “Jesus is concerned… about that mysterious but undeniable spiritual center to who we are as marvelously complex creatures made in the image of God.”  “What does it profit you to gain the whole world if you forfeit your soul in the process?”  This, I think, is perhaps the preeminent question of our age.

For over twenty years Bill Provenzano was a commodity trader on the Chicago Mercantile Exchange.  Here is his account of what motivated him for this demanding work:

I used to love going to the underground parking garage [at] the Merc…  Four floors of underground parking held some of the most expensive and sexy automobiles I had ever seen.  Mercedes, Porsche, Ferrari, they were all there in abundance.  Those visits to the… parking garage were my inspiration for success.  It was one thing to see those cars on car lots dotted throughout the suburbs.  But to know that I traded next to and with the owners of those fine automobiles made it more tangible, more attainable.

I used to dream of the day when I would drive my… Mercedes [convertible] from the suburbs into the city, stealthily dodging the early morning traffic.  And when the market closed at 2pm, I could just see myself taking the elevator down to “P3” where my freshly washed red chariot awaited the comfortable drive home in the summer air, top down of course.

Are you familiar with the Yuppie Prayer?

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray my Cuisinart to keep
I pray my stocks are on the rise
And that my analyst is wise
That all the wine I sip is white
And that my hot tub is watertight
That racquetball won’t get too tough
That all my sushi’s fresh enough
I pray my cordless phone still works
That my career won’t lose its perks
My microwave won’t radiate
My condo won’t depreciate
I pray my health club doesn’t close
And that my money market grows
If I go broke before I wake
I pray my Volvo they won’t take.

The absolute, unconditional surrender to the promises of material happiness is one way to lose your soul in our day.  A blogger raises a question that highlights another:

Recently, my computer broke and I had to buy a new one.  I ended up getting a 20” Apple iMac.  There’s a part of me that feels guilty: Did I really need the 20”?  No.  Couldn’t I have been happy with the 17”?  I suppose.  After traveling overseas and seeing people living in abject poverty, I feel guilty.  I feel horrible, actually - for the poor, for the starving, even for the workers in the Chinese factories earning pennies an hour to make me a stupid iMac.  But how much can I do to help them?  Don’t I need some things to enjoy life a little?

This person is trying to battle the very human urge to acquire, but feels tempted by every longing, defeated by every purchase, and guilty about every perceived extravagance.

We all live somewhere on a continuum of unabashed pursuit of worldly pleasures at one end and guilt over what we have at the other.  No matter where you are on the continuum, the thing we all have in common is a soul – a soul that craves, that longs, that aches to be alive.  That the soul seeks happiness is not in question.  What is required for the soul to be happy is.  What each of us is learning, if we are paying attention, is neither the belief “I’ll be happy if I have more” nor the thought “I will be happy if I have less” is true.

Did you notice the setting for today’s reading from the gospel?  It says Jesus is taking his disciples to the villages of Caesarea Philippi.  Caesarea Philippi, located on the southwest base of Mt. Hermon, is an interesting region.  In Jesus’ day it was dominated by the culture and values of the Romans, who made it the home of a shrine to their god Pan, said to guide shepherds and flocks.  In Old Testament times this region was the cultic center for worship of Ba’al, the Canaanite god of fertility.  Israel’s many kings and its citizens struggled constantly to reject the promises of this false worship and to remain true to the Living God.  Ba’al ruins littered the area.  Caesarea Philippi was a place where cultural values foreign to God’s people openly challenged their fidelity.  These alternative notions of happiness preyed on what the faithful believed gave real life to the soul. 

Jesus asks his disciples two questions: “Who do other people say I am?” and “Who do you say I am?”  Given the setting, Jesus is not so much inquiring about doctrine as he is inviting his followers to think through the influence the culture around them has on their soul.  And while Peter comes up with the correct technical answer – you are the Messiah – he fails the quiz because his understanding of what this means has been corrupted by the predominant thinking of his time.  It held the Messiah was going to come with great power to right all wrongs; that he would be a Donald Trump-like figure who would designate some as losers, fire others on a whim, and pay his “killer” negotiators to make all other problems go away. 

The notion of Messiah is so corrupted in Jesus’ day he is forced to forsake it all together.  In its place he talks about the “Son on Man.”  This person does not take life to himself, but rather gives it away.  This posture, Jesus says, leads the soul to happiness, even if it results in suffering, rejection, and death.  Peter, caught up in the false notion, says it will never happen to Jesus, who strongly rebukes him: “You have set your mind on human things, not divine things.” “Your understanding of happiness has been corrupted by the world.”  This is so serious, it has put Peter’s soul, and hence ours as well, in peril, in jeopardy, and (in the worst case scenario) in mortal danger.

In his book The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less, Barry Schwartz states people living in a consumer culture can be divided into two types: “maximizers” and “satisficers.”  Maximizers, he says, always try to make the best possible choice and are often terrorized they may have overlooked better options.  Satisficers are happy to have material possessions that are “good enough” to satisfy their needs, even if there are better options available.

Jesus’ teaching about the soul’s path to happiness is clear:

· Enjoy what you have.

· Learn to be satisfied with what you have.

· Live life here and now.

· Give yourself to others and you will have something precious you can never achieve through acquiring.  

The story of Bill the commodity trader did not end with his longing for a fancy car.  He writes:

I wanted to be not just successful, but wildly successful.   That was certain.  But my focus on material wealth continued to cause me inner static that I could not ignore.  

My visits to the underground parking garage… became less frequent.  Instead, my eyes became ever more opened to the needs of the poor and hungry around the world.  Over time, I came to understand the joy of giving material blessings, (yes, money), and God was faithful.  My prayers, my “asking whatever I wished”, focused less and less on what I could spend on me.  In fact, it was around this time… TAGGs were born.  [They] revolve around giving away increasingly larger portions of my income while challenging me to maximize my trading results.

I never did buy that Mercedes, even though I could have.  Rather, I continued to drive a rusty 1991 Honda Accord with over 150,000 miles on it.  I used to joke that I was afraid to wash it because the dirt was all that held it together.  The guys at work used to have a field day when they saw me in that car.  

Jesus invites us to take up his cross and follow him.  Coming just a few days after we reflected on the heroic acts of so many people on 9/11, he invites us to consider what makes for a happy soul.  If life is something like being on that London-bound plane, what do you need to grab hold of and carry with you as you negotiate your way through the cares and occupations of this life; through its changes and chances?

A Homily at the Burial Office of Shirley Waller

 



“Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Believe in God, believe also in me.”

“What!”  It was the only word I said.  It is only word I could say when I received a call alerting me Shirley Waller had died.  My cell phone records indicate it came precisely at 1:00 on Tuesday afternoon and lasted exactly one minute.  I was in Newport News and all I wanted to do was get back to Suffolk and get to the Waller’s home.  Questions raced through my mind: How is Roy?  What can I do to help?  How can this be happening?  I suspect most of us had a similar reaction.

That initial shock has made room for a myriad of thoughts, feelings, and emotions.  I am so grateful that many of us were able to be here with Shirley on Sunday as we celebrated the baptism of Charlotte, her newest great-grandchild.  It could have been anybody’s baby and Shirley would have radiated with enough love and joy to fill this worship space, but a child from her own family made it even more special for her.  And then, like every Sunday, she had family and friends over to her home for lunch.  Last Sunday, with the baptism, it was a full house!  It gives me a deep sense of peace knowing Shirley was a part of that day.

I am also deeply grateful she passed peacefully, even though it did not make time for goodbyes, final words, and the opportunity to make amends.  But Shirley lived her life in a way that none of these things were necessary.  Was there ever a time she didn’t tell a family member she loved them?  Is there any word of wisdom she needed to pass on she did not convey every day through her actions?  Could there possibly be a person who had an issue with Shirley that needed to be resolved?  I would prefer to have Shirley with us for another twenty years or more, but am grateful for the way she lived her life ready to meet her Maker with no regrets or unfinished business.

How did people regard Shirley?  Let me read for you some of the things people posted on Facebook upon learning of her passing:

She was such a wonderful person and a big part of my church life while growing up.

Such a wonderful, loving woman!  My life was blessed and enriched for having known her.

What a true blessing to have known Shirley.

Shirley epitomized a true Christian in every way.

Shirley made everyone (including me) feel welcomed and loved at St Paul’s.

The last time I went to church… just before my last surgery as we went to the communion rail [Shirley] squeezed my hand and said are you ok... precious moments.

Always, always a wonderful smile and warm hug.

I will always remember sitting near to her in choir, and for her warm smiles, and heartfelt laughs.

She personified love and kindness.  She and Roy welcomed me into the St. Paul’s family, and have meant so much to… our whole family.  Heaven has gained a beautiful angel.

A beautiful lady and my dear friend.  I will miss you so much.

Someone once asked me if I knew a real Christian...  someone that… actually lived the way a Christian should.  Knowing they weren’t talking about me my thoughts went straight to Shirley… Anyone who could handle Mr. Waller for all these years definitely earned her hallo.

If these are not enough of a tribute, the Country Book Store has tweeted that they have lost a valued customer and in honor of Shirley will be running a half-off sale this weekend.  Not familiar with the Country Book Store?  It is located on Rt. 460 in Waverly right next to the 7-Eleven.  Shirley found it a couple of years ago while travelling with Roy and good friends Jesse and Kathy Pruden.  They were headed to the Boys Home in Covington and decided to make a stop for coffee.  Roy and Jesse went into the convenience store while Shirley and Kathy decided to check out what was next door.  They burst through the front door giggling with the delight of school girls at the prospect of investigating a never-before visited store.  If you know nothing of the Country Book Store, this is to your credit.  Far from what its name implies, it is an adult book store that specializes in, well, pornographic material.  I believe it was Shirley who, upon taking a survey of environment, first perceived something was amiss.  Kathy, seeing only video tapes, asked with confidence and curiosity, “Where is the book section?”  I like to imagine the looks on the faces of these two fine southern, Christian ladies as they realized the nature of the establishment in which they were standing.  Can’t you just picture the mortified look on Shirley’s face as she grabbed Kathy by the arm and said, “Ohhhhh, I think we had better get out of here.”  Shirley loved to tell that story and I love that she loved to laugh at herself.

It is a quality that pairs nicely with the deeply emotional and spiritual way she held those she loved.  Your joys and accomplishments caused her to soar.  Your burdens and challenges were something she carried in her heart.  Most Sundays and not a few weekdays I heard about both from her.  She carried the wealth and the weight of your worlds on her shoulders and brought it to this place where she shared it with God whom she knew as ever and always compassionate.

I want to say something to Shirley’s grandchildren.  I want you to know how much I envy each of you.  Two of my grandparents died before I was born.  The other two were gone before they made much of a formative impact on my life.  You have had not just a grandmother for three decades, you have been blessed to have an exceptional grandmother.  Because I didn’t have your experience I can’t imagine the pain and loss you feel this day.  We will all miss Shirley, but one of the first things Roy said to me on Tuesday was this would be especially hard for each of you.

Years ago I came across a book titled Mary’s Way by Peggy Tabor Millin and something she wrote always seems to come back to me at times like this.   She described a common, everyday experience that led her to see a deeper truth about life and relationships:

I was on a train on a rainy day.  The train was slowing down to pull into a station.  For some reason I became intent on watching the raindrops on the window.  Two separate drops, pushed by the wind, merged into one for a moment and then divided again – each carrying with it a part of the other.  Simply by that momentary touching, neither was what it had been before.  As each one went on to touch other raindrops, it shared not only itself, but what it had gleaned from the other. 

Millin then reflected on what she witnessed and wrote, “I realize that we never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace.” 

Her insight seems especially true today, doesn’t it!  For Shirley’s children, grandchildren, adopted children, co-opted children, embraced as children, “I don’t care who you are, you are a part of our family” children, for all of us – our task is not to be like Shirley.  It is to take what Shirley has given to us and make it our own.  I doubt there are many of us here whose life Shirley touched only ‘lightly’.  Her touch on each of our lives has been incredibly significant.  We are better people for it and we cannot help but enrich the lives of others because of it.

This morning we hear the words of Jesus: “Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Believe in God, believe also in me.”  While “what?” may have been the first thing we said on Tuesday, emerging slowly – for some of us now just as a glimmer and for others only yet as a hope – is a sense of peaceful acceptance, joy, and gratitude.  Shirley had a wonderful way of holding loss and grief and allowing it to transform into trouble-free faith.  I pray that each of us who has been touched by her may find this to be a gift she has given to us.